Is This a Boundary,
or Control?

You have asked him to change certain things about himself before you can fully relax into this, and you have started wondering whether that request is protecting your peace or quietly trying to engineer it. A clean boundary protects you. Control tries to make him different enough that you finally feel safe.

Think about the limit you are trying to set and what you hope will happen after you say it. Your answers help this reflection show whether you are protecting yourself or trying to manage his choices.